-
5 Things You Need to Know Before Having a Crush on Someone
Following the advice of a friend I decided to face my greatest fear and discuss my feelings with a crush. I get a text during the day and my friend shoots me a glare and ten seconds later we scream “I die!” This painfully trite de-evolutionary process of the human mind is difficult to diagnose without the help of a sobered, mature, adult friend who holds a steady job and files his/her taxes. Here are some tips from said friend that you should follow before you indulge in a crush:
1. The crush is not “the boy.” If he doesn’t know you exist you are not dating him. Of course you have ownership of him, in your mind, and in your heart of hearts. I’m not belittling the fidelity and respect you show him. The minute another girl even looks at your crush without your consent, is the minute that little slutty slut has to finish a 400 meter dash off the premises. Feelings of jealousy are irrational and unmerited in this case- it’s not OK to date someone without mutual consent.
2. Don’t rush yourself into turning your crush into your boyfriend. Mark Zuckerberg just got married this weekend, so I am compelled to give you sincere advice. Yes, that Zuckerberg, Silicon Valley’s Nerd-O-Saurus Rex and creator of the same social network that you use everyday to stalk your crush on. His wife, Priscilla, realized he was a hard-working twenty-something who played hard, worked hard, and face-booked hard. She decided she was going to pursue medical school during all this. She dedicated herself to a career in pediatrics despite all the obvious reasons before her to fall back on trophy-wifehood instead. The secret was patience and prudence. You need the patience to wait for the love of your life and the prudence to take make sure you can live without the love of your life. She gives women everywhere such a good name. Shout out @realhousewives.
3. Don’t tell your crush that you have a crush. This rule will inevitably be broken. At a bar you will get so miserably drunk while your crush is ignoring you that you will think it wise to grab onto a thin rope the diameter of your hair and swing yourself over to your crush while you land flat on your face before his feet, crying the words “I love you…I love you…” This is what he sees when you awkwardly open your mouth to express your ‘feelings.’ Don’t turn your life into a cartoon frame of the infamous peanuts character, Charlie Brown. Chuck built a pedestal as high as the notes Mariah Carey hits in “We Belong Together.” Upon this pedestal made of magic and potions and unicorn rings, sits a very ethereal creature named, “the Little Red Haired Girl.” She is a 2-dimensional god-head. If you want to make your crush love you- telling them before they’re ready won’t make them want you.
4. If you must break rule number three do not do it by any use of technology. It is an egregious mistake on your part to tell the love of your life you love them by using a blackberry or MacBook Pro. You do not make a sales pitch over the phone. You do not tell your mother you got into Yale Law School via text. You do not Facebook a friend explaining their cat died. Get your palms sweaty and your mic ready. Get the your heart rate abnormally high. Maintain eye contact. Stumble on a few words and let it all out face to face. Don’t let this opportunity get away- #YOLO is for lovers.
5. Crush cleanse. Crushing is a lifestyle you need to detox yourself out of. There is something as too much of a good thing. It’s nice to have a buzz once in awhile, but unlike a Taylor Swift song staying too long in the purgatory of unrequited love is not worth a grammy nod. I don’t know of anyone living or dead who was strong enough to complete a crush cleanse but following after Jane Austen’s novel Emma, the simpleton friend, Harriet Smith was compelled to throw away a worn pencil belonging to Elton, her crush, into a roaring fire. If your crush isn’t into you stop carrying him around in your pocket.
I’m in Paris, single and 24 years old running around wondering where all the men are. -
”What the Church puts together in a seamless way — respect for human life at every stage of development or vulnerability, justice for the poor and the migrant, condemnation of oppression and violations of human and religious freedom, the rejection of violence as a means of solving conflicts — fits into no political platform.
Cardinal Francis George (Chicago)
(Source: catholicnewworld.com)
-
”The number one reason why we do not have the glory of God in our churches is that we are too busy seeking our own glory.
Ed Pousson (via whomshallifear)
-
”The God of the universe - the Creator of nitrogen and pine needles, galaxies and e-minor, loves us with a radical, unconditional, self-sacrificing, love. And what is our typical response? We go to church, sing songs, and try not to cuss.
Francis Chan (via deebella123)
-
examining fear and hostility.
It’s week three of my grandma’s visit to Paris. Our first week was stressful because I was not ready to have a house guest. She’s not just any house guest. She is 79 years old. Her son passed away last year. Has few close relatives. Her friends have names and addresses but to me they are just immaterialized dream characters. I am sure she talks with them but I have a feeling the nature of the relationship is a lot less close than she describes. Not that she has to lie to her grand daughter but- she has no choice since she’s been burning bridges since 1937. It’s difficult to describe my grandma without going into detail and chronology. Her life story is untold and will remain untold so long as she keeps mum about her past and her family life. I confronted her late one night about my dad’s social issues. He suffers with low self-esteem, had a temper, and has difficulty speaking up in public. Though he graduated from MIT and is one of the best programmers at his job, he does not professionally have the credentials to be a manager at the company. With God’s grace- the handicaps are slowly coming off but his reticence and self-loathing prevent him from fulfilling the potential he was meant to achieve much earlier in his life. His childhood, like out of a Charles Dickens novel, was traumatic. His relationship with everyone in the family was dysfunctional. He was abused physically and verbally by his mother, my grandmother since his childhood. When I asked my grandmother candidly and fearlessly why her relationship with my dad was so strained and unhealthy she cited the reason being their difference in political and religious views. Maybe like my dad, my grandmother has the advantage of my not being born yet to describe the history of their relationship. She assumes because she is his mother that her knowledge of my dad is better and deeper. Bewildered and confused she denies that there is any problem with my dad. She squirms even further saying maybe he is the way he is because of the school taunting for being Chinese. My general feeling is that it is too difficult for her to admit to the abuse for fear of judgment and possibly losing her grand daughter. If she were ever to apologize or admit wrongdoing I would be waiting for her, arms open-wide to forgive her for the pain she caused her family and for herself. Until then I am waiting ever so patiently still loving her but not entirely letting go of the facts and the history she wishes to erase. It cannot be undone or forgotten. I was a victim of the very same temper that she inflicted on her son. Her son was a verbally hostile person and overcame his anger problems through God’s patience and love. I don’t want to change my grandma, I just want her to give up the burden of the guilt and incredibly fearful spirit living inside of her. She knows she can’t get close to her son until she apologizes. My dad will not get close to her until he forgives her. There is no way out but the hard way. I am waiting for that day they reconcile. When that day happens I promise you my purpose of being born has become fulfilled.
Likes
-
I am free! :)
-
“The irony of the gospel is that the only way to be worthy of it, is to admit you’re completely...”
-
“All things are from God; and above all, reason and imagination and the great gifts of the mind....”
-
Reblog if God has done amazing things in your life.
-
(by dan-e-elle)
